Sometimes I forget what living's for
by vrukalakos
Summary: Song fic inspired by Lady A's Hello World. Perspective of CSI Ryan Wolfe doing his normal day on the job. RyanxOC's-Ryan has a family. Future inspired based on another story s  I want to upload. Tried to be as 'in-character' as possible. Read. Review! 3


**Disclaimer: I do not own CSI Miami (sad) and the song is owned by Lady A. Though I do own several CSI Miami seasons! ^_^ I need to get caught up sadly. I have missed so much (half of season 7, 8, 9 and parts of 10). Which reminds me, Miami has NOT been signed for season 11 yet. Hit twitter, fb, write the executives….something to let them know to sign them!**

-CSI Miami—CSI Miami—

Traffic crawls, cell phone calls  
>Talk radio screams at me<br>Through my tinted window I see  
>A little girl, rust red minivan<br>She's got chocolate on her face  
>Got little hands, and she waves at me<br>Yeah, she smiles at me

Ryan smacks his hand against the car steering wheel in frustration at the slow Miami traffic. It isn't even rush hour but it seems that 12:45 on a Wednesday afternoon meant that everyone and their mother is on the road trying to get somewhere. His phone next to him chirps, allowing him to brace for the lecture that is bound to follow once he pushes talk. _Here we go…'_"Wolfe."

"_Ryan, where are you? Everyone else got here almost twenty minutes ago."_

_Yep, leave it today to make me almost a half hour late to a crime scene!_ "I'm stuck in traffic Calleigh. It seems that everyone who lives in Downtown Miami decided to take the breezeway today." He listens to her speak up again as a newer, red minivan pulls up beside him with a little girl with dark mahogany brown hair about the age of four or five, eating a chocolate rabbit before beaming brightly and waving to him. He waves back, "I'll be there as soon as I can."

Sometimes I feel cold as steel  
>Broken like I'm never gonna heal<br>I see a light, a little hope  
>In a little girl<br>Hello world

The traffic begins to pick moments later and the red van with the little girl drives on ahead leaving him to his own thoughts. Playing with the car radio, he sighs as he watches the road.

_Another work day, another crime to solve, another victim to help. Life as a CSI is always exciting and new but it is so hard on the soul. He is off to a triple homicide but he isn't even shocked anymore. When had I become so cold I no longer felt shock and the horror they face in the field every day? A long time ago. Maybe that's why Alexx left all those years ago, she recognized it before I did and left in time to save her soul. _

His mind wanders back to the little girl in the car and despite it all a smile spreads across his features. His own memories of chocolate-smeared faces and the raw, uncontainable happiness found in young children flash through his mind, followed closely by chiming laughter and bright blue eyes.

Maybe there is hope for his soul just yet.

Flicking on the blinker, he checks to make sure it's safe to merge over preparing to take the exit he needs.

_*Screech*_

_*Boom*_

_*crunch*_

The smell of burnt rubber and the echoing sounds of twisting metal and shattering glass stop him in his tracks-his heart rate spiking, yanking his car back into the previous lane dodging around cars; his own lights and siren blaring into the disrupted air.

Maybe I should stop on in  
>Say a prayer<br>Maybe talk to God  
>Like he is there<p>

Rolling onto the scene, ready to go he falters as he stares at the two cars involved in the accident. A white truck slammed into a red van-her red van. Panic and shock hit his chest at an alarming rate. _God no. Not her_. _If you really are there, please do not let this little girl be hurt._

"CSI Wolfe-I need an ambulance and backup immediately. Accident on the breezeway, one known child in a car."

_Be alright, please be alright._

Screams and cries fill his ears as he nears the car, only spurring on his drive to get there faster. Tearing the door open, hazel eyes stare into tear-filled green eyes, "My mommy's hurt!"

Hazel flickers to the front seat revealing a woman with similar dark locks draped unmoving for the steering wheel. _Mom needs medical help. Oh, I don't want to have to call the coroner with her here._ Unbuckling her seat, his hand instinctively reaches up to stroke her hair. "I'm a police officer. I'm going to make sure you're ok first, ok sweetie? Then I'll check on your mom." Wrapping her arms around Ryan, she buries her face into his neck as her tears splash against his shirt. "It's going to be ok. I got you."

Placed in the back of his Hummer, thankfully uninjured in the accident his efforts are back on the mom. Gloved hands carefully pull her hair away, checking for a pulse but finding none. _No, no no!_ Removing her from the car and laying her on his jacket on the road, _Come on breathe for me._ Blowing into her mouth, he compresses her chest again, _Breathe. Breathe!_

Lowering his head against his hands, his eyes fill with tears. _There was nothing I could have done. I couldn't save her._

Grief stricken cries come from within the Hummer."Mommy!"

_No, I'm not giving up. Not yet._ Lowering his mouth to hers again, his resolve is strengthened, unbending as he presses down with the palms of his hands. "You're little girl needs you."

-CSI Miami—CSI Miami—

Sometimes I feel as cold as steel  
>And broken like I'm never going to heal<br>I see a light  
>A little grace, a little faith unfurled<br>Hello world

Standing in front of his locker, he eases it closed quietly when he hears footsteps to his right. Red hair and blue eyes meant only one person. "Hey H.'

"Ryan." A comfortable silence settles as Horatio silently watches Ryan, judging as he always does what the younger man is possibly thinking and feeling.

_Was Horatio mad he never made it to the original crime scene? But he of all of them would understand the most._ "Horatio, listen I'm sorry-"

Shifting his stance, blue eyes probe gently against hazel, "What on Earth could you possibly be sorry for Mister Wolfe? You saved a young woman's life today."

_*flash back*_

_Ryan stands on the asphalt road watching the paramedics load the mom into the ambulance with the little girl standing tightly against his leg. Clacking of heels echo from behind before a head of brilliant blonde enters his line of sight. "Calleigh-"_

_She gently lays her hand on his arm, smiling giving him a compassionate look that solely reflects understanding and respect before walking away heading back to process the rest of the scene. _

_He looks down at the tearful girl, crouching down so he is eye level with her. "Nora, why don't we go to the police department and wait for your dad." _

_Brushing her tears away, his charming smile flashes making her giggle. "Can I go see my mommy."_

_Not wanting to promise in case her mom is still in surgery, the next best thing should work. "Well, that's going to be up to your dad but I don't see why not." Her small, soft fingers reach up and slip into his as they both watch the ambulance pull away heading for the hospital. _

"I never made it to the original callout-"

Experienced hands rest on his shoulder giving him a soft smile, "Perhaps- perhaps you were never meant to." Nodding as Ryan's eyes widen at the subtle comment, he gently taps his shoulder, _the once dimmed spark has finally returned all because of a little girl. _"I happen to know there are three people waiting to see you and I do believe you're late."

Sometimes I forget what living's for

_Christa. Marina. Anthony._ Striding to the locker room door, _waiting to see you._ "Hey H," he pauses turning to look back at his boss, "I won't be in tomorrow or the day after that." Turning back around he slips from the locker room headed home, naturally missing the glimmer of humor in Horatio's eyes. _Ryan is back. _

And I hear my life through my front door  
>And I'll be there<br>Oh I'm home again  
>I see my wife, my little boy, little girl,font

Squeals of laughter echo from within the house-the little girl to whom they belonged no doubt having done something she shouldn't have or attempting to run away from her mother who is chasing her around the home. Stepping inside his home, the scent of baking potatoes and oranges greet his nose. His steps are quiet against the hard-wood floors, checking first the kitchen then the backyard looking for the other occupants. _Where could they be? I know I just heard Marina._ Maneuvering back into the living room, his eyes settle on the picture resting on the mantle. Christa smiling warmly crouched on the ground near Marina who is showing off her new pet (a gold fish) while holding on to a happily eating Anthony. The three most important people he loved. His family.

The patter of feet barreling down the hall catches his attention as a blur of caramel colored hair towards him. A little girl of four years; smiling happily, launching herself into his arms. "Daddy, you're home!"

"Of course I'm home, where else would I be Mina," he teases back at his little girl before scooping her up, swinging her around in the air. "Have you been good for your mother today?" She nods enthusiastically as another set of footsteps, lighter but definitely older falling closer.

"Oh, is that what you call hiding in the closet and giving me a heart attack," a faint reprimanding tone asks, though he knew no matter she could never stay upset at their little girl. They both watch as she runs off once Ryan sets her down, she moves to his side. "Welcome home."

Eyebrows raise lightly, "Not really." His hands are around her waist dropping her backward in a slight dramatic dip, holding her firmly and smiling proudly at her gasp of shock before pulling her up close to his chest. His love for her channeled into his kiss before pulling away, smirking but deeply happy and feeling more alive than he has in lord knows how long. His hazel eyes shine into her beautiful blue love-filled eyes, "Now it is."

"I'll have to remember that," she whispers so only he can hear yet refusing to move from his arms until a cry, well more of a wail drifts from down the hall.

Kissing her once more, he pops into the room down the hall smile already there before he reaches the door. "Hey buddy, did mom leave you in here?" A gurgling squawk comes from the 10 month old residing in the crib. "Jail break? Think we should? I don't know, you're Uncle Eric or Uncle Walter might come bursting down the doors if we do." He replies lifting the happy baby from his crib confines going into the kitchen. "And have _you_ been nice to your mother today?" though the question is aimed at the dinner preparing Christa.

"He has been playing the 'is he, isn't he' game today," smiling as her eyes take in the duo standing in the kitchen. Her heart swells every time she sees him holding a baby, especially their own. So sweet and endearing. "I could have sworn he was going to start walking today."

_Good. Don't want to miss it._ "The day's not over huh mom, it could happen." He flashes a smile, moving back into the living room, finding a busy Marina 'reading' to her G.I. Joe bunny rabbit and Police Teddy (he really needed to thank Calleigh and Frank for those). Sitting down on the floor, Anthony is instantly standing, holding onto the edge of the couch bouncing happily up and down.

Then it happened.

Barely catching a glimpse of Anthony letting go of the couch, his arms shoot out to grab the infant but stops as he takes a wobbly step towards Officer Kermit as Mina had so lovingly named her brother's police frog, and then another. "Christa you have to get out here! He's walking!" Love, pride, and happiness soar through his chest flooding his veins as he saves him from the tumble that he anticipated moments ago.

Today made him remember why it was he woke every day; why he was still here. This was his reason. His reason for living and nothing would ever change it.

All the empty disappears  
>I remember why I'm here<br>Just surrender and believe  
>I fall down on my knees<br>Hello World,

-the end-

**The story behind this is I started writing a story about Ryan with an OC (Seeing Sam with a bf made me want to write a song as to why he never gets the girl), and this story came on tonight and it just made me think of them. Odd I know since I don't even have my oc story up yet but well…I have a soft spot for Ryan and yea…sexy man for the win. **

**Please let me know what you think. Good? Bad? Cookies? I am working on my writing style and don't feel like this came out how I wanted to. **

**Thanks guys! **

**~V.**


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